To Thine Own Self Be True
by Armelle-Madeline
Summary: In the year '72, Sirius struggles discovering who he is and his orientation, but fearing the reaction of the world around him, he tries to keep it to himself...slash
1. Mother dearest

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or the characters contained within the

novels they are the sole property of JK Rowling. I'm merely borrowing 'em. 

_A/N: Right, a few things before we start. This is slash fic. This means male/male. The reason the rating is only PG-13 is because the rating only reflects the fact that this is slash. There is no dodgy content, no explicit, it conforms to the guide-lines of ff.net. If you do not like slash, don't click on 'slash' stories. _

_This Marauders fic is set in 1972, five years after the Sexual Offence Act that made homosexuality legal between two consenting adults, aged twenty-one or older. From canon, it is inferred that the wizarding world in attitudes is generally about thirty years behind the muggle world. Therefore, there is more likelihood of a stronger reaction from wizards than muggles, not the least that Sirius and Remus are aged sixteen and eighteen respectively. This conforms to the 2000 Amendment to British law, which allows homosexuality sexual acts at aged sixteen and above, making it a legal relationship by today's terms. Ergo, I conform to non-underage sex, which is just covering my arse, as no real sex will probably appear. _

_I will state, however, that I am not old enough to remember 1972, my facts are taken from research, and if you have any comments, so forth, mention it in reviews. _

_Apologies for the extensive A/N. It needed to be said, however. _

_~_

"So, Padfoot, my man," James drawled, striking the match to light the stubby candle on the scuffed table, then blowing out the match carefully. "News?"

"She still hates you," Sirius informed him, shaking the last of his animal form off as a dog shakes off water. He dropped onto one of the cushions spilling stuffing over the floor, propping his chin on his hand. James sighed melodramatically. 

"The lovely Lily." He pretended to wipe away a tear. "Marvellous as always. Sooner or later, the Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are going to have to formulate a plan. I've wanted Lily Evans to go to the Yule Ball with me since third year, and it's nearly our last, now." His face took on a determined cast. "She can't bloody hate me forever."

"Actually," Remus said thoughtfully, "It is possible." He exchanged a look with Sirius, whose own eyes danced with laughter. "You do have some quite fixate-able bad points, my dear Prongs."

James looked indignant. "Oh?" Remus shook his head, his cool grey eyes not betraying his teasing manner. 

"What they are, I can't possibly say," he said airily. James folded his arms, and looked at Peter, who was stifling his own laughter. 

"And what have you to report on?" he asked. The round-faced boy looked important, and Peter cleared his throat. "Snivellus isn't planning on going," he informed them. He snorted. "Wants to stay and babysit some delicate potions."

"How fortunate," James said idly, standing up to peer closer at his Quidditch trophies, from the regional competitions he'd done in past summers. He picked one up, and rubbed an offending mark off with his robe sleeve. "I'm not particularly delighted to see Snivellus more than I have to."

"Neither are we, my dear fellow," Remus leant back on his rather delicate chair, and sighed, folding his arms. "It does make it somewhat easier to plot on, without his malevolent presence, scowling at you. Why Lily defends him, I really can't understand. However, she does have a thing for the under-dog." He gave James a sizing-up glance. "Probably why you piss her off. You kick the metaphorical puppy."

"I beg your pardon?" James spluttered, turning around. "Snape is a puppy now? What happened to 'hex him before he hexes us'?" 

"Yes," Remus sighed patiently. Before he could continue, Sirius interrupted.

"Lily doesn't know that, Prongs. She just sees Snivellus upside down with his underwear out, and doesn't realise he'd do the same if he got first shot." James scowled. 

"Bloody women," he muttered. "Anyway. Progress on the Quidditch front?" 

As the conversation drifted onto tactics, the ever-helpful suggestion from Peter that they hex the Slytherin Beaters, and Keeper unconscious, and tie them up in the Room of Requirement being lightly passed over after serious consideration from James – 'Excellent plan! Can we do Snivellus as well?'- Sirius began to wander into his own train of thought. 

He watched the candlelight flicker over James's face, black hair falling into his brown eyes, as he laughed. The Gryffindor Chaser's looks were another reason for his following, richly handsome, casting dark looks at fluttering girls, sneaking smiles at Lily Evans in between girlfriends, and even if James's head sometimes was too big to fit through the door, he was still a great friend. Loyal to a fault, trustworthy, proud, there was a reason James's animagus form was a stag. 

They were so very different, this circle of friends. A Chaser, a werewolf, Peter and he. Each would never have been thought to get on with the other, possibly with the exception of James and Sirius. His family, however, meant that the Slytherin-destined Sirius was quite surprising to James, forewarned of the Blacks' reputation. All laughing, talking in this candle-lit cabin, hidden under a vicious tree, to protect one of them. 

Sirius's eyes moved over to Remus, smiling in amusement, his grey eyes collected and calm. His profile was less flamboyant, more elegant, his brows curved in bewilderment at one of his friend's comments above his nose, his soft dark hair falling in disarray as he leant forward, his chin resting in his hand, his top lip dented slightly in the very centre, perfect, and- Sirius jerked, dragging his thoughts back, a faint blush colouring his cheekbones. He wasn't thinking- He didn't- Remus wasn't- 

Remus turned to look at him, eyes filled with concern. "You all right, Sirius?" He nodded, still confused, shaking it off. He continued with the conversation, Remus glancing at him a few more times then settling back into the easy camaraderie with James and Peter. 

~

Sirius took a piece of toast, and shoved it in his mouth while he wrestled his letter from the owl, who clearly wanted food before duty. James helpfully leant over, and offered the barn owl a rather burnt slice. It gave him a disdainful look before reluctantly accepting it.

"What's wrong with the bloody bird?' James demanded, looking at Sirius. "They're not normally picky if they want our food." Sirius shrugged, slitting open the parchment envelope. 

"S'a Black bird, isn't it?" he said easily, not betraying his discomfort. "Snobby bird, snobby family." He took a bite of his toast, and set it back down on the edge of his plate. 

James had gone quiet. "Sorry mate," he said after a short pause. Sirius waved it aside. He'd seen the small register of surprise cross the other boy's face. James's home-life involved a family who loved him, even down to his batty old uncle with knobbly knees who shouted at family reunions. Contemplating the Blacks, the two extended families could not be more different. 

"S'okay," he shrugged nonchalantly. "Only live with 'em, not like I have to like 'em. Far prefer crashing at your place, Jamesie." He grinned wickedly at James over the toast, and James, comforted by the usual banter, smiled back, and fell back into normal conversation. Sirius shook open the letter, rolling his eyes at the prominent insignia of the House of Black at the top.

'Son,' It was always bloody son, he thought disgustedly. As if he could forget the family. 

'I must inform you of your dear cousin's engagement. Narcissa has met a very good match in Lucius, one of the Malfoys, very pure line, and naturally, our thoughts turned to you. Regulus,' Instantly, Sirius scowled with loathing over his slimy little brother's incessant creeping to their parents. Regulus's idea of brotherly loyalty was to hex him when he wasn't looking. 

'Regulus has informed us that you have yet to form a possible alliance with a decent wizarding house,' Oh come on, Mother, Sirius thought, exasperatedly. Call it a girlfriend. 'Naturally, we are somewhat worried at this lack of attachment. With the situation as it is, the time for our family is ever rising, and this is not helped by your defection, Sirius. Your father suggests the Yule Ball as a suitable time for you to write with the name, and details of a well-born Slytherin girl who you are settling with. As a family, Blacks do not tend to play the field as it were. 

We expect the results of this term to be more pleasing than the last. I await an owl next week, with the news. If Regulus informs me of misconduct, your father will have to come down there. We cannot have a repeat of your disgraceful behaviour-' The disgraceful behaviour, Sirius found himself nodding sagely, had indeed been disgraceful. He'd dared to go to Hogsmede with James, and told his brother to place himself up his own crevice where the sun did not make an appearance. Because dearest Father was involved in Hogwarts' governors, Sirius thought bitterly, it meant he was well placed to be spied upon. 

'Give my best to dear Bella, please.' Bellatrix, his seriously creepy cousin in the seventh year. 'Mother'. No affection, no 'love from', 'Mother'. 

Sirius scrumpled the parchment into a tight ball, and tossed it into a bowl of porridge without realising, a moody expression settling over his face, not seeing his small fan-club sigh from further down the table at his dark look. Well this was just bloody wonderful. 

~

A/N: reviews, questions, comments, hit the little box below. Flames, however, need to be long, so they can be MST-d and mocked. 

Thanks to Mercuria, who has said she'll beta this in future, and GreyLadyBast, who listened to me rant about the lack of stuff online about 1972. The title comes from Shakespeare, and is not owned by me. 


	2. Plottings

A/N: It's been a while. No history lecture in this note, just that I have a basic plan of action, it will probably go fairly slowly, because Sirius's attraction to his best friend needs building up and so forth, which doesn't happen at the drop of a hat, thanks very much, Hollywood. *sigh*. Anyway. Story.  
  
*  
  
Remus was stretched out languidly by the fireside in the Room of Requirement. He looked over at Sirius, whose head was pillowed against him.  
  
"Three across," he muttered, tapping his pen against the crossword propped on his chest in bemusement, then stroked Sirius's cheek with a feather light touch from the tip of his fingers. "Three across," he repeated, smiling down at Sirius.  
  
"Sirius," James called, laughter filling his voice. "Eh, Padfoot." Sirius moaned, and rolled over in bed, pulling the pillow further over his head. There was a short pause, which Sirius knew, deep in his sleep-befuzzled mind, that meant James and Peter were plotting. It was always James and Peter. Remus was above plotting.  
  
"Oh, come on, Sirius," James complained, with a half-hearted tug at his bed sheets. "Get up."  
  
The eloquence required to inform James that it was a) the middle of the night, b) the night after Remus's transformation nights of the month, and c) he far preferred the comfortable warmth of his bed and dreams than being forced to confront the bloody cold of Hogwarts corridors, Sirius sadly lacked at two o'clock in the morning. So a muffled 'Bugger off', was all that James received. Which the grinning, far too energetic Seeker regarded as a challenge.  
  
"It's nice and warm in the Room of Requirement," Peter whispered enticingly somewhere in the vicinity of his left ear. Sirius considered it, as he waged a war with James over who had control of the luckless pillow. He could get up, pad downstairs, across several cold corridors to a nice warm room, or be annoyed incessantly until James gave up, which Sirius knew from experience, was never.  
  
Sighing, he tossed back the covers, shivered as the chill of winter in a Scottish castle hit him, to choked cheering from James and Peter, who looked far too self satisfied at their achievement.  
  
*  
  
"Well, there's one possibility you haven't tried," Sirius yawned, trying not to fall asleep. Remus looked up from the chess match he and James were hunched over. As the older boy was considerably more considered about his moves, James seemed to lose. A lot.  
  
"What's that?" he asked, placing a knight in front of James' king. "Checkmate," he added, by way of an afterthought.  
  
"Be nice to Snivellus," Peter suggested, from his seat by the fire. On winter nights, the Room of Requirement sufficed as a cosier, hidden common room for the boys, long after the fires in Gryffindor Tower had gone out.  
  
Sirius screwed up his face in disgust at the idea. "I meant locking them both in a room, but what on earth got you thinking about that, Peter?"  
  
"It's the only thing he hasn't tried," the freckled boy shrugged, looking back at James with an easy grin. "He's tried, unsuccessfully I might add, to make her jealous-"  
  
"It was working!" James protested, indignantly, still studying the chess board for his mistake, "It was. She was getting there, you could tell."  
  
"Yes, James," Remus drawled, deadpan.  
  
"And I've tried asking her nicely-"  
  
"When you've got your wand pointed at Snivellus."  
  
"Annoying git."  
  
"That aside, James-"  
  
"Do you mind?" Remus asked mildly, interrupting the slightly heated argument. "James, Peter and Sirius are perfectly right. Lily has indicated that she prefers those who don't torment poor little Severus," his utter disgust for the boy in question was etched upon his features, "So possibly pretending that you've changed your ways is a good idea. She seems to find your rule breaking, and that the rest of the girls treat you as some kind of god rather irritating. I wonder why?" He raised his eyebrows at the others, with a small grin.  
  
James's face twisted into a sulky scowl. "I can't help being brilliant at Quidditch." Remus sighed, and looked back at the chess board.  
  
"One more game, anyone? Sirius?" he asked, fiddling with his rook. The younger boy nodded, shoving his shaggy dark hair out of his eyes with a tired yawn. Remus set the pieces up carefully, looking up at James as he did so. The firelight flickered across his profile.  
  
"So try it," he suggested. "Be nice to Snivelly for a week or so." A rakish grin slid onto his features. "Then we lock you in a room together."  
  
James gave a shout of laughter. "I love it! Perfect solution to my problem."  
  
*  
  
"It's awful," James grumbled to Sirius as they made their way to the next lesson, along the crowded corridor. "You don't understand, Sirius. It's so difficult! He glowers at me from corners, I've got to dodge him. You can't be nice to him as he's such a great git that it's not possible." He sighed heavily, staring down at the picture of Lily he kept tucked inside one of his textbooks. She glowered back, and ducked inside the photo's border. The real Lily hated that he'd managed to get the photo under false pretences.  
  
"You want the girl," Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "In my family, the solution would be the Imperius curse. You think you've got problems," he glanced down at the letter from his mother. He'd smoothed it out, and kept it, and the follow up, reminding him that the Yule Ball was only three weeks away.  
  
"What's that?" James' sharp, Quidditch-player's eyes caught sight of the letter, and snatched it from him. He read it quickly, then shrugged.  
  
"What's the problem? You've got to invite a girl to the Ball. Try your fanclub, most of them would leap at the chance." He tossed the letter up in the air. "Hey, you lot!" he bellowed to the corridor. "Sirius needs a date to the Ball. Any offers?"  
  
"I can't believe you just did that," Sirius muttered, plunging into the classroom, grateful it was within reach, blushing furiously at the catcalls from the corridor.  
  
*  
  
A/N: Next chapter, (hopefully, things rarely go to plan) an encounter with Lily, a further look at Sirius's attraction to Remus, a meeting with Bellatrix and Regulus, and a prank by Snivellus. 


	3. Confrontations

A/N: I'm not entirely sure that Charlie's Angels was already showing in England in 1972, but, it IS a seventies television programme, so I'm twisting timelines a little. At least it's seventies, people! Thanks muchly to GreyLadyBast, who suggested the 'locking them in a room together' suggestion for the chapter previously. Muchly debted to you, Bast. May glory shine on you, in your goddess-ness. 

It was, Sirius decided, after some consideration, a crap day. Crap on a large scale, in fact. It had begun, like most mornings for the past week, with waking up. It wasn't the waking up that really bothered Sirius, although his friends joked that he slept like his animagus form, as often as possible. It was the frequently recurring, and ever more vivid dreaming that he woke from. Thrashed up in the sheets, his feet cold as he lay sprawled across the bed, the pillow half slipping out from under his head, and startled. 

Following the wake up call, there'd been breakfast. Breakfast that included a thirteen-page missive from his father ordering him to write back with the name and bloodline of his date for the Ball, in two weeks time. The owl delivering it had been Thetis, his father's personal, and snooty, favourite. She'd pecked him viciously as he sent her off without a reply, and left, with an indignant hoot. 

Following that had been the History of Magic lesson that lasted an hour, then more lessons of a similar standard, (crap) and then the surprise. 

"I can't take it anymore," James groaned, shoving books further into his bag, and tucking his wand back into his robe pocket as they made their way into the grounds. "Being nice to Snivellus is just too hard to bear." 

Sirius suppressed a grin, looking toward Remus. The elder boy met his gaze, and smiled, mirth sparkling in his grey eyes. Sirius ducked his head quickly, embarrassed. He swallowed hard, summoning the blank expression he'd had to assume from youth. It didn't help that his stomach was attempting to rebel, churning and swooping. He bit down hard on his lower lip in an attempt to distract himself, absently finding that he'd drawn blood. 

They wandered out into the weak sunlight. The sky was a washed out blue, faded and dull. Out of habit, the four headed toward the lake edge, and a broad oak tree nearby that they normally sat under. Dropping onto the wet grass, Peter sank back against the trunk of the tree. 

"I think I almost died of boredom," he began, conversationally. James produced a Snitch he'd swiped earlier in the week at practise, and began playing with it. Sirius shook his head, ruefully, and banter began between the three, James only adding to the conversation as his concentration wandered. 

"Oh look, I see Snivelly on the horizon," Sirius pointed, with a wicked grin. The skinny dark haired boy often followed them, to spy or snitch on what they were doing. 

"I wonder what he's up to?" Remus mused, sitting up, raising his hand to his eyes to see better. "Horrid little bugger."

Snape seemed to realise he'd been spotted, and darted out of sight, his malicious gaze gone for the present. 

"I don't like it when he's about," James raked his spare hand through his hair disinterestedly, holding onto the struggling Snitch with the other. ""Specially not when I can't teach him not to sneak around us."

"How is your venture with the fair maiden going?" Remus drawled, propping his chin on his hand, comfortably. 

"Not bloody well," James replied uncomfortably. "She doesn't even seem to notice me. Only there when I break the rules. I think she gets a sick, kinky pleasure from taking points from me." A sudden smile lit up his face. 'Hey, Peter, d'you think-"

"No, James," the freckled boy shook his head solemnly, "I can assure you, Evans is not a dominatrix, deriving kinky pleasure from stripping points from you. Your twisted imagination sometimes disgusts me."

James looked wounded. "It's not my imagination that conjured that image, Peter. And really, what were you doing thinking about Lily like that?" 

"Oh do shut up, James," Remus told him, "You know neither of us are allowed to take points when it's undeserved." 

"Yeah, I know," James sighed, grinning wickedly. "But the thought of Evans in one of the Angels' hot pant outfits," he clasped his hands over his heart as he cited the muggle television pop culture that Peter had introduced them to. "Be still my beating heart." Rolling their eyes, the others exchanged glances. 

In the meantime, James Potter, only child and therefore the one who always needed attention, dropped back, limply against the tree, one languid hand to his brow, the other firmly holding onto the Snitch. "I can't live without her," he moaned, sliding a look at the others to gauge their reaction, and caught sight of a familiar figure on the hill up to the castle, and brightened.

"Hey, it's Evans," he pointed. The slim figure of the redhead, whose infamous thick red hair had made her instantly recognisable as the subject of James's poem on Valentine's day in third year, 'Ode to green eyes, red hair, and a gorgeous... mind', was breasted by two other girls, as they moved, obviously chatting, to stand nearby the castle, within eyeshot of the boys.

"I'm going to talk to her," he announced, straightening up, dusting grass off his robes, running careful fingers through his black hair, and adjusting his glasses to a better point on his nose. He walked away from them, purposely, heading towards the small sillhouette at the top of the hill.

"Ten sickles he crashes and burns," Peter murmured to Sirius. The shaggy haired boy shook his hand. "Done." 

As James reached midpoint between the two groups, (and Lily had noticed, evidently, as she'd turned away, with obvious annoyance) there was a sudden bang, and a darting black clad figure moved out from the cover of the bushes. 

'See how you like it!' Snape yelled, his black eyes glowing, as James hung in mid air, helpless, slowly rotating. 

The three boys ran over to him, Remus in the lead, a steely look to his grey eyes, as the girls raced down the hill to get to Severus. 

"Snape, put him DOWN," bellowed Remus, raising his wand. 

"If you don't let him go right now, I'll punch you into next week," Sirius threatened, growling under his breath. There were times when he was very doggy indeed in his attitudes, and growling was one of the smaller side effects. 

The greasy haired boy turned, reluctantly to look at them, his wand still raised in the air to control the spell, as Lily, flanked by her two friends, approached, breathless. 

"Sniv..Snape, you've got no reason to do this, it'll be detention for weeks after this," Remus said steadily. Lily glared at the other boy.

"I thought you'd suffered through this enough not to do it," she snapped, green eyes flashing. Snape's face took on loathing. 

"Why shouldn't I?" he demanded, sulkily. "They do it to me, all the time." He smirked up at James. "Hold onto your robes, Potter." James' form flipped up, his robes falling over his head. 

"Put him down," Remus said again, flinty eyes on Snape. Lily glowered at Snape. "I've had enough of this," she said impatiently, rolling up her robe sleeves. "Finite Incantem!" 

Sirius and Peter flew at the skinny perpetrator grimly, Peter tackling his legs, as Sirius, with a satisfied smile landed a punch in the middle of Severus's face. James dropped like a stone to the ground, with a very audible 'ow'.

Lily flew to his side, crouching beside him, concern flitting across her face. "James! James, are you all right?" she asked, urgently. He groaned, and she bent over him, her long hair tickling his face. As she searched his face for signs that he was hurt, James' prone body apparently indicating that he was mortally injured, suddenly his hands flashed up, and pulled her full on top of him, kissing her firmly on the mouth. 

The other three laughed, Sirius pausing from punching Severus, to glance back, mirth in his eyes, and then Lily sprang up, wiping her mouth indignantly. 

  
"I might have expected that from you, Potter," she spat, crossly. "Just when I'd thought you'd actually grown up a bit, un-inserted your head from your arse." She turned on her heel, and stormed off, taking her two friends with her, one of them gazing rather admiringly at Sirius, still deeply involved in kicking the crap out of Snape, as she went. 

James gazed after Lily, dreamily. "A kiss from the Beauty," he sighed. Remus shook his head, and extended a hand to pull James up. The Seeker winced, fumbling his head to find the bruise. 

"Bloody hell that *hurts*," he complained, glaring at Snape. "Sirius, leave off. Stupid bugger won't try it again." Panting slightly, Sirius stood, scowling down at Snape. 

"Oh yeah, and that's thirty points from Slytherin," Remus added coolly, "For attacking a Gryffindor for no reason." Peter joining their side, the four stalked off, leaving Severus, trying to staunch a nosebleed, sullenly looking after them, hate in his dark eyes. 

*

"Did you see his face?" Peter asked, as they strolled along the corridor. "Stupid git," he added, cheerfully. 

"Yeah," Sirius sighed happily. "Don't think he'll attack James again." He glanced at the Gryffindor Seeker, his eyes slipping, and meeting Remus's. Butterflies flooded his stomach, and he forced himself to look away, trying to stop himself from blushing. What was this ghastly reaction to Remus, anyway? Why was he acting like a third year member of his fan club? 

"Got any candidates for the Ball yet?" James drawled, throwing an arm over Remus's and Peter's shoulders casually. Sirius bit his lip. He'd managed to forget it. 

"Y'know mate, with all the interested parties, you ought to have some kind of selection process," James continued, musing it over. "Auditions. You know."

"Fabulous idea," Sirius joked, grinning back. "I'll leave it all in your hands, then?" The letter he'd forgotten to send his mother flashed into his mind's eye. If he didn't send it off tonight, a seventeen page missive and a spying Regulus would end up on his tail. 

"I'd better go and sort some things out," he told the others. "See you up in the tower." He ran off, unfolding the letter from his pocket, and scanning it through to make sure he didn't say anything that would tell his mother any more than she required to know. Anything further would give her ammunition. 

A/N: Okay, so the Bella/Regulus meeting hasn't happened yet. Next chapter, Bella, Regulus, and more Sirius/Remus, and James and the others take Sirius's suggestion a leetle too seriously... 

Please review!


	4. Almost

Sirius lay on his bed, staring up at the stone ceiling miserably. There were times when it seemed entirely too complicated to go on _being_ . Times when fighting everything that had made you, everything that surrounded you and shaped your existence seemed so pointless. He swallowed, the lump in his throat like iron. Did the values he clung to so desperately really merit being loathed by his own family? What if for some reason James, and Peter and Remus decided that he was no longer worthy of their company? He'd be alone – A Black without Blacks, a Slytherin with pretensions to Gryffindor.

The door to the room opened, and he heard footfalls on the stone flagons. He couldn't be bothered to lift his head to see who it was.

"Sirius?" Remus's voice never revealed much of his emotions, only hinting at the intricacies of his thoughts. A note of concern was there now, Sirius noticed, the familiar tone penetrating some of the grey gloom fogging his mind.

"Sirius," Remus sighed, walking over. He stood beside the bed, looking down at him. Sirius's over-long black hair formed an inky aureole around his face on the white pillow. A balled up piece of parchment lay scant inches away from the boy's hand, as if he were too tired to cast it further from him.

Remus picked it gently from Sirius's grasp, his robe sleeve brushing him as he leant over to take it. Remus had long fingers, delicate looking, the skin stretched across the bones was clear and pale, his wrists finely veined. The strength of them was deceptive, Sirius thought distantly, about anything but the letter, as Remus carefully smoothed out the parchment and read it without sound, his eyes moving across the page quickly. His hand dropped to his side and his gaze moved from the crumpled page to Sirius, his eyes meeting Sirius's steadily.

"Sirius, they don't change anything," he said quietly, a calm reminder of all that Sirius had to lose. "Don't let them change it. You're not one of them. You're one of us."

Remus bent forward, almost on top of him, looking directly into Sirius's eyes. He was so close that Sirius could feel the warmth of his breath on his cheek, and the intensity of his gaze was unavoidable.

"We couldn't do without you," Remus said, lowly, his voice barely above a whisper. "None of us. Not even me." Sirius was incredibly aware that Remus was scarce inches above him, his skin prickled with feeling and longing. He couldn't speak, his voice caught in his throat, he could only look up at Remus, his eyes burning with the nexus of emotions that he couldn't communicate.

The moment seemed to catch, and hang in the air forever, time was afraid to move for fear it would change. And then something shifted, and it shattered. Remus stepped back quickly, and coughed, his eyes moving quickly, anywhere but Sirius.

"Look, you stupid prat," he said with the old fondness, as if Sirius wasn't filled with confusion and fear and desire among the other fierce and new sensations fighting to be heard, "We love you, so forget what these idiots say." He tossed the parchment, balled up once more at Sirius, and held out a hand.

Sirius looked at it, the same, strong as steel, delicately beautiful hand that he'd admired before, and slowly placed his own into it, shaking off the thoughts that dogged him to try and assume his own carelessness.

"Now come on," Remus said impatiently, apparently with all the old camaraderie, "James is trying to think up a new way to ask Lily out, and we're going to bet on how long she listens to him before she turns him down." Laughing, Sirius found, became easier, and he left with his friend.

/

"So, why d'you think we should make you Sirius's date for the Halloween Ball?" James looked straight into the brunette's blue eyes, and smiled in a – he hoped – suave manner, and ran a casual hand through his hair. Peter hit him with the roll of parchment, over the back of the head.

"Oi," James looked aggrieved, glaring at Peter, who rolled his eyes. "James, mate, we're trying to get Sirius a date. Not you a shag." The brunette frowned, and adjusted her robes a little more loosely around her chest.

"Um, I thought Sirius had asked you to ask me out," she said, her forehead creasing in puzzlement. James inspected his nails with a smug smile, and glanced up.

"My dear, this is an audition," he said coolly. "Sirius is a mate." Peter nodded, sitting back against the cushions of the sofa.

"We don't want a dog with him," Peter added, with a sly smirk at James. The small pun was not lost on the black haired Quidditch player.

"An audition?" The brunette raised her eyebrows, and regarded them with contempt from the now steely blue eyes. "So let me get this straight. James Potter and his merry band of wankers are auditioning poor sods to end up being groped by Sirius Black at a Ball, abandoned for the next piece of crumpet that crosses his line of vision, and drooled on when the idiot overdoses on the fruit punch that the aforementioned wankers will undoubtedly have spiked." She sighed, shaking her head and sending a mass of silky brown hair flying.

"You complete and utter prats. You're sixth years, not almighty sex gods. I'd be bloody surprised if you'd even managed a grope behind the greenhouses," she scoffed contemptuously. She laughed, and a faint thought that this idea might not have been the best one they'd had began to dawn in each boy's mind.

"I can't wait to see what Lily Evans makes of this," the girl added, tossing a disgusted look at James. "You're the twat that's trying to get into her good books, right?"

Oh dear.

"Um, Peter, did you post the audition notice everywhere?" James asked in a very small voice, swallowing hard. Peter nodded.

"Yeah. Except Slytherin common-room, we've got them everywhere," he replied awkwardly, trying to smile at the brunette who had just decimated them and failing.

"There you are, mate," James declared with a relieved and happy grin as he rounded the corridor to meet Sirius and Remus. "We thought you'd gone off somewhere." Remus frowned, trying not to display his amusement.

"I thought you were propositioning Lily," he raised his eyebrows at Peter, who shrugged. "Again," Remus added, with a little grin. James shook his head.

"Nah, that plan went tits up when Peter here," he shot an annoyed look at the smaller boy, "Decided to completely _bugger_ the ide-"he trailed off as his gaze slipped to Sirius. "Never mind."

"Go on," Sirius encouraged with an almost completely carefree grin. Before James could continue, however, a voice piped up behind him.

"Sirius." Sirius turned, annoyance rising in him, his muscles tensing instantly. Regulus stood before him, burning impatience in everything about him. Sirius almost choked with laughter when the nasty little whelp actually nodded an acknowledgement at James, Peter and Remus. He noted the disgust with which James stared, bewildered at his brother.

"I need to talk to you," Regulus pleaded, urgency eminating in his voice. "It's important." Nervously, he looked behind him, and then back up at Sirius. Sirius stepped back. He was a Gryffindor, he wouldn't be dragged down, he couldn't. Regulus couldn't make him. With rising panic, he shook his head firmly.

"No," he answered, backing away. "Go away, Regulus. I'm not doing anything for you. You'd only report back to Mother like a good little boy," he sneered.

With one furious and desperate look at Sirius, Regulus turned and almost ran he walked so fast away from him. Trying to forget the interlude, Sirius turned back to his friends.

A/N: And the tension heightens! Please review!


	5. Bella and Regulus

_A/N: I've noticed flaws in the previous chapters, so I'm making 'corrections' here._

_One – I'm fully aware that the Yule Ball was a thing of the Triwizard Tournament. Yes. I don't quite know how to fix that one. Suffice to say, 'we have a ball'. _

_Two – the HP lexicon says James was a Chaser, and the thing about the Snitch in the books was a tool to impress girls, rather than an indication of his position. _

_If I have made further errors – do point them out, and I'll correct them, or explain them or just..apologise for the plot holes. _

Regulus strode down the corridor, twisting his hands together nervously. He couldn't believe his brother. Blacks stood together, they were family. Surely that meant more to Sirius than..than friends? He swallowed hard, a lump of misery in his throat, hard and unshiftable, coming to a stop in the corridor just outside the Slytherin common-room.

So much for Gryffindor loyalty.

He bit his lip. Think, think. How was he going to manage this? He needed help – If she caught him..

The cold of the dungeons began to penetrate his robes, and he shuddered, hearing the door to Slytherin common-room swing open. It couldn't be, where could he hide? He saw the window behind him, the thin slit blowing chilly, Scottish wind into the hallway, and the little alcove just to its side. He ducked into it, hoping against hope that _she_ hadn't seen him.

"Why are you scuttling, Cousin?" Bella called, her voice drawling and lazy. She was arm in arm with a couple of other seventh years he recognised vaguely, the malicious smiles on their faces identical. Bella shook her head slowly, her curtain of thick, dark hair swinging gently back and forth. She beckoned to him, and shaking, Regulus stepped out, and walked toward her.

"Tell me, Cousin," Bella's finger crooked him toward her until he was only a step away, and then her hand fell to her side. She cocked her head on one side, appealingly, but Regulus knew too well that Bella could appear soft, and sweet, but was knife-edge sharp beneath it all. "Why were you hiding from me?" Her voice was dripping with honey, enticing. Regulus stood his ground, summoning strength from somewhere.

"I wasn't..hiding," he said, almost steadily. Bella smirked, and glanced at one of the boys flanking her. Her hand shot out, and gripped Regulus's arm, twisting it painfully until she caught his little gasp of breath.

"Don't lie to me," she said softly, dropping his arm back to his side, her lips twisted into a sneer of contempt. He rubbed his arm, blinking back tears, biting hard on his lip to stop himself from letting the tears escape.

"I wasn't hiding," he maintained, keeping his voice unshaken. Bella smiled surprisingly.

"At least when you lie, you stick to it," she said thoughtfully. "Coward, but you keep to your position." She stroked his hair, her fingers trailing across his cheek and down to his chin, abruptly forcing it up into the air, making him meet her eyes. They were odd, so darkly black they were almost opaque, her eyelids heavy.

"Ask him about the Gryffindor," one of the boys prompted Bella, his voice mocking, and knowing. Regulus trembled. He had the feeling that the uncanny seventh years could read his mind at times.

"Yes? Do tell me how my dear cousin Sirius is," Bella caressed his cheek once more, her voice almost laughing. Regulus shook his head numbly.

"Sirius and I don't get on," he answered, trying to stop himself shaking. "You know I think he's a traitor. He's a Gryffindor." Bella sighed and rolled her eyes, irritated.

"You mean he won't talk to you," she translated, with a sly pinch to his cheek. "You don't know, Regulus, dear, that this year is quite.." she slid a look at the others beside her, and flashed back to her cousin quickly, "Important for me. I don't want Sirius Black, or any other messing it up for me. And you, you can help me, for once." She smiled dangerously, her teeth glinting. "I want Sirius out of action. I don't want him to notice what is happening around him. So you, dear Regulus, make it happen."

"But I.." Regulus stumbled over the answer he was trying to give her. Bella waited, her arms folded across her chest. Regulus fell silent, and hung his head.

"Good," Bella said, satisfied, and she and her companions walked away, leaving Regulus to struggle over how he was going to subdue his brother, when Sirius loathed the sight of him.

_A/N: A short chapter, to further plot, and well – because original kinda took over my life. But there's an update! All is not lost!_

_Next chapter – more Remus/Sirius, James and Lily fighting, the four get back at Snivellus, and a visit from Sirius's father._


	6. Dreams

_Sirius stretched lazily in the warm, rich sunlight, his back and head cushioned on the thick and springy grass by the lake. The water glinted in the summer sun, and Sirius screwed up his eyes against the reflected glare. _

"_Can't see?" Remus's words were soft, and said in an amused, low tone, that spoke of laughter and easy intimacy. His long, strong fingers combed Sirius's dark hair out of his eyes. Sirius grinned back at him, utterly content, as Remus bent forward, hovering above him. Tentatively, Sirius lifted his hand, and placed it against Remus's cheek. His skin was warm, and soft, the faint prickle of the almost-stubble abrasive against his palm. Remus nuzzled into his hand, his scent of soap and clean..Remus smell that was entirely his own, overwhelming Sirius. He half sat up, his other hand balancing him, until they were face to face, Remus's grey eyes steadily looking into his own, their hands pressed together, and with a slight dip of his head, Remus lowered his lips to Sirius's..._

Sirius thrashed as he woke violently, his legs entangled in the sheets. He sat up, his back bolt upright in bed, shivering against the pillows, the thick eiderdown fallen to the floor. James, in the bed next to him, murmured, half-lifting his head, a pillow crease marking his cheek.

"Wassamatter?" he slurred, blinking sleepily. "Y'all right, Sirius?"

"Yeah, go back to sleep," Sirius managed, his fingers tight on his sheets, pale. James needed no further encouragement, satisfied that everything was all right, he dropped straight back onto his pillows, and was sound asleep.

Sirius was wide-awake however, panicked. It was a dream. It meant..nothing. He'd simply associated a memory of a summer's day with Remus talking to him the previous day. It was harmless. He didn't...He couldn't... He wasn't... Miserably, he curled up against the post of his bed, and watched the dark of the night fade into the dim, thin light of the morning through the narrow casement window, cold and worried.

At breakfast, his stomach churned rebelliously. He forked at his now cold egg, spilling the yolk until it ran runny yellow over the congealed white. His stomach rolled, and he laid his fork down on the china plate carefully. As he looked up, attempting to catch the conversation, he noticed Remus's small frown, and that the steady grey gaze was focused on him.

"You alright, Sirius, mate?" James said cheerfully, raising his eyebrows. "You look like the living dead."

"So polite, James," Remus drawled, smirking at the black haired boy, who immediately riled at the bait.

"I was only asking!" he protested, running a hand through his hair, shaking it out of his hazel eyes. "And being honest. Because he does, haven't seen Sirius look awful in ages. Be harder to find him a date for the Ball if he looks trashed," he added, thoughtfully. "Unless we get one who likes the tortured poet look. Is that what you're up to, Sirius? Writing poetry late into the night?" he grinned.

"I don't think Sirius is quite that far gone," Peter observed, "Unlike someone _else_ we know." He looked pointedly at James, and cleared his throat. "Oh slender neck, and clear white skin, oh eyes of emerald green, such luscious hair of ruby red, like sunset, I would wean'." He rolled his eyes, a split second before the plates went flying as James made a grab for the small boy, who was snorting with laughter.

"You read my bloody..!" James howled, trying to haul Peter –over- the tabletop, and yank his hair off his head. With a small sigh, and a look of exchange, Remus and Sirius waded in to save Peter from James's wrath...and bad poetry...

"Right," James said, with determination – and rather lopsided glasses now after the small brush with Peter that morning – "This is it." He sounded almost hopeful, looking at the others, who were faintly bored. They'd been here before.

"I'm going to ask her," he clarified, looking for some hint that they gauged the seriousness of the situation. Remus, Sirius and Peter looked at one another.

"And...?" Peter ventured, on behalf of the other two. James glared at him. "It's important! This is my only chance, if she won't go with me now.." He cast a worried look in the mirror once again, and twitched the collar of his robes into place, then adjusted his 'Quidditch Captain' badge into more prominent position.

"You're meeting her in the corridor," Remus said quietly, "At lunchtime. And you're nervous about your appearance? You'd better not –eat-, James, or those gravy-stains will give Lily the impression that you're a messy eater." He glanced at his nails, with a small smile. "Not of course, that you are."

"Shut up," James snapped, watching the red-haired girl step out of her Charms class, still talking with Professor Flitwick, and began to walk very quickly down the corridor, trying to catch up with the girl. He tapped her on the shoulder, Sirius, Remus and Peter waiting, with somewhat baited breath at the entertainment unfolding before them.

"Lily," James said, nervously, and then tried to correct his voice. He shouldn't sound nervous, or she'd realize. Lily stopped, and sighed as she saw who it was.

"Potter," she folded her arms, her green eyes showing irritableness. "What is it?"

James cleared his throat, then shoved his hands in his pockets, for want of anything he could think of to do with them. "Lily," he said again, with a touch of desperation, "Would you, please, accompany me to the Ball?" He looked up at her hopefully, sending her the pleading expression he'd spent ages cultivating.

"Why?" Lily asked, a tinge of exasperation in her own voice. "Why is it me who has become the object of your dubious affections, Potter? Why is it whenever I look around, you're following me?" She folded her arms again, blinking. "If it's not some effort to impress me, it's an attack on someone else. I don't _want_ to go out with someone who is vain, shallow and arrogant. I don't want to go out with someone who doesn't appear to have a clue what _I_ want. I don't even think you want me, James. I'm just the only one who doesn't fall into your lap." Silently now, Lily turned and walked away, her footsteps echoing in the corridor. She left James, wordless in her wake.

Sirius, Remus and Peter paused, in shocked silence. That had been...unexpected.

"Well, I think this qualifies as an 'Oh _bugger'_ moment," Peter said, feelingly.

A/N: So there was a small amount of slash there for those anxiously awaiting the resolution of this – may I tell you all, it's gonna be a while, but I'll keep sending you teasers – and Lily finally managed to stun James into silence.

Next chapter – a bitter Potter and company take revenge on Snivellus, and yes, the arrival of Sirius's father.


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